Perfect
by Unproductive-Fangirl
Summary: Adora wakes up from a nightmare, and after Glimmer gets her to calm down reveals more of what life was like for her before finding the sword. Discusses emotional and psychological abuse, and implied physical abuse.


Adora sat up, breathing hard, head snapping from side to side. It took a moment for her to fully take in the room, confirming no one was there. Well, no one but Glimmer. Pretty much every night the two girls would sleep in the same room, something Glimmer never mentioned and Adora was eternally grateful for.

Tonight they had fallen asleep in Glimmer's room, but while scanning the room had confirmed that there were no enemies there, that Shadow Weaver wasn't there, it had done little to calm Adora's nerves. She needed to train. Needed to practice. Need to make sure she wouldn't mess up when the time came.

As quickly and quietly as she could, Adora pushed herself up, not even bothering to pull on her boots as she headed for the door. Her pace quickened when she reached the hallway, and it was all she could do not to run the sort distance to her room. Her hands were trembling, and she clenched them at her side to try and make it stop. Images were playing through her head. The Fright Zone, Shadow Weaver, Catra.

Catra.

She needed to train. Needed to be ready. She couldn't let her friends get hurt. Not again. Never again.

It hadn't taken much to get the queen to put a small training area in the corner of her room, especially when Glimmer had pointed out how much Adora liked to punch things. It wasn't much, and really the only part of it that was used regularly was the punching bag that had been set up. That was where she immediately headed. Without missing a beat, not even pausing to tie up her hair, she moved into a fighting stance and got to work.

The impact of her hands and feet against the bag and the repetition of the fighting patterns helped her nerves, but they didn't stop the images and memories. Shadow Weaver, Catra, Glimmer and Bow, Entrapta. They flicked through her head one after the other.

Shadow Weaver looking down at her with disappointment.

Catra frozen in front of her.

Bow being captured.

Glimmer glitching.

Catra's defiant face.

Catra on the ground.

Always Catra.

Catra.

Catra.

Catra.

"Adora?"

She spun, hands raised for attack. It wasn't Shadow Weaver. Catra wasn't there. Glimmer was, but she was blurry. Adora blinked, trying to clear her eyes. When had she started crying? She couldn't be crying. She couldn't be weak.

"Woah- hey- it's alright," Glimmer assured. She took a step forward, not even hesitating as she moved to take Adora's hands. Gently she lowered her arms, and Adora found herself not bothering to resist.

It was only when Glimmer started to pull her towards the bed on the other side of the room that Adora tried to pull her arms free "No- I- I need to- to practice- I need to train- If I don't- people will- they'll get hurt- Catra- Shadow Weaver-"

"It's okay, no one is here but us. No one is going to hurt you," Glimmer replied, voice calm despite the grip on Adora's arms not actually loosening. If anything it got a little tighter "You need to calm down and training won't help with that. I promise you, nothing's going to happen. You're safe here."

"But Shadow Weaver- Catra- she's going to-" Adora hated how scattered her thoughts were, how her voice was stammering. She could still feel tears down her face, and she couldn't stop them no matter how hard she tried.

"Catra's not going to do anything. Shadow Weaver isn't here. You're safe," Glimmer tugged her again, and this time Adora was to overcome with everything happening to argue as she was lead across the room.

A moment later they were sitting, and Adora was vaguely aware that Glimmer's arm was around her and that her friend was still talking, but she didn't actually hear what she was saying. Or at least, if she did it didn't register with her.

It was a long time before Adora could calm down again. When she did she started to desperately wipe at her eyes and push back her hair to try and get it out of her face. Glimmer had stopped speaking and was now just rubbing Adora's arm.

"I'm sorry- I was trying to not wake you up-" Adora's voice was softer than normal, and still slightly shaky "I- I shouldn't even be freaking out this badly-"

"It's alright," Glimmer assured, smiling at her "But I promise you're safe here. Catra isn't going to do anything. Shadow Weaver can't hurt you. Not anymore."

"She never did…" Adora gave up on pushing back her hair to let her hands fall into her lap, focusing on them instead of Glimmer.

"What?" There was clear confusion in Glimmer's voice, which really Adora couldn't blame her for.

"Shadow Weaver- she never hurt me-" Adora stayed focused on his hands. Red electricity sparking around Catra. Catra putting up a wall of defiance, hiding her pain. Catra sprawled on the ground. Catra being dragged away. Catra. Always Catra. "Catra was the one she would hurt- always Catra- I- I need to train-"

"Woah, hey, don't get caught on that again," Glimmer said, clearly trying to stop Adora from going into a training loop again "Okay, so Shadow Weaver had it out for Catra. What does that have to do with you needing to train?"

"If I messed up Catra payed for it- it was always somehow her fault. If I made a mistake it was because Catra had distracted me from training. Sleep in, it was because Catra had kept me up. Break a rule, Catra must have talked me into it. It didn't matter what I did, what I said, it was always her fault, and Catra always paid for it," Adora shook her head, squeezing her eyes and trying to keep her voice from shaking "I had to be perfect- or Catra got hurt. I have to be perfect or my friends get hurt. I can't afford to not be prepared. I need to train- need to be ready. I can't let my friends get hurt- not again. Not because of me."

"Adora," Glimmer sighed, squeezing her hand "What Shadow Weaver did wasn't your fault. What happened was awful, but it wasn't your fault. You weren't responsible for her hurting Catra. Neither was what happened to Bow and me. Or Entrapa."

For a long time Adora didn't respond, taking deep breaths to try and keep herself from crying again. She shouldn't have cried at all, shouldn't have shown weakness, but it was so easy to relax around Glimmer.

"I should have been on high alert at the prom- I let Catra distract me-" Adora shook her head as she thought about it "If I had stopped her you wouldn't have been taken- Entrapa- I should have been training, not going to parties-"

"It wasn't your fault Adora," Glimmer replied, rubbing her back again "You are allowed to relax. You're allowed to have fun. You don't have to be perfect, nobody expects you to be."

It didn't seem like much, it was just a short statement. Yet it felt like a weight lifted off Adora's shoulders when Glimmer said it. She didn't have to be perfect. No one had ever said that to her before, in fact the opposite had been drilled into for as long as she could remember.

Adora didn't know how long the feeling would last, but in that moment there was a sweeping relief with just hearing the words.

She didn't have to be perfect.

Letting out a breath, Adora felt her body physically relax. Not completely, but some. After a long moment where she just let the words sink in, she looked over to give Glimmer a small smile "Thank you."

"Of course, that's what friends are for," Glimmer smiled, moving to hug Adora tightly for a long moment "I'm here to help you get out of your own head whenever need me. Even the middle of the night."

Adora couldn't help but smile a bit more at that, hugging Glimmer in return. Despite what Glimer had said, she found herself softly saying again "Thank you."

"You're welcome," Glimmer replied, just hugging Adora for another moment and when they pulled away there was a smile on her face "Do you think you can fall back asleep now?"

"Maybe," Adora wasn't sure, but she didn't want to worry Glimmer any longer.

"Come on, let's go back to my room," Glimmer squeezed Adora's hand a bit as she pushed herself up, pulling Adora to her feet "Even if you can't fall asleep right away we can lie down and talk until you do."

"Yeah, that sounds nice," Adora agreed, smiling again as she let Glimmer lead her back out of the room.


End file.
